Written: June 30, 2021 Night
I think I enjoyed the month of June. It was not like there were no dull days. It rained a lot, which was good. Some days I wished it were sunny, and then when it was sunny, I missed the rain. That’s life. It is bad only when you are indifferent to whether it rains, scorches, or freezes. Indifference is scary.
June somehow feels like a turning point. I can say that today because it is the last day of June. Halfway through the month, I didn’t know I would be able to make that claim today. I will probably write again if I succeed in cementing this progress throughout July. Sometimes it is good to brag. And pat yourself on the back. You can’t wait for others to do that. “And what if I fall back into procrastination next month and undo all the steps forward?” Well, I have a strong feeling I won’t do that. And I like the tone of confidence of my inner voice reaffirming that feeling (good job you).
Life slowly fell into a sort of routine as the weeks of June went by. Before, it was chaotic. ‘What did I do today?’ would be replied by a mental shrug. During the first week, I committed to a daily workout routine with my friend. We have managed to keep it going for a month now. Having that sense of accountability when you have committed to do something together was the push we both needed, I guess. We also had an agreement to do one creative thing per week. I picked sketching, which is going well. At the end of the second week, I made morning coffee into a daily ritual. I’ve stopped scrolling my phone endlessly after waking up (I swear I don’t do it for more than 10 mins now) since I have coffee stuff to do!
I am frequently out in our roof/terrace garden. There is always something interesting going on with the plants and the crazy bugs. Or I can always listen to some music and enjoy the refreshing air (when it’s not raining…). Last winter, I had developed a bad habit of frequently escaping to bed randomly during the day, and this month I got rid of it without even noticing. And I’m trying to fix my sleeping habit. I try to be in bed before 11 pm.
Another weird change is my curtains. I liked keeping them closed most of the time, and that has changed. I ended up adding some indoor plants in the room cause now they have a real chance of surviving. And on the last day of June, I started something I wanted to do for a long time.
I guess the small changes added up and became something else. In retrospect, it makes perfect sense…obvious even. Sometimes when you are stuck in a place and feel you can’t take a step forward, you have to start by staring towards where you want to be and if you don’t have the energy to turn your head, then close your eyes. Rest and heal. Dream.