Written: June 25, 2021 Evening and Night
My morning started late. Coffee, some light exercise, and lunch, then I spent most of the afternoon sketching. As a beginner, there is much to learn and discover.
Starting from childhood, I have been on a very disjointed journey of learning to draw. I would make a few sketches once every five years fueled by random fits of inspiration, which would promptly cool down and vanish within the week. Then years of nothing until the next spark. Every time it felt like starting from the beginning. 2021 became the latest repetition of this cycle.
Back in February, I came across my old drawing tablet while rearranging stuff in my closet. My brother had bought it a decade ago, but we never put it to use. It stayed forgotten, gathering dust. I connected the tablet to check if it still worked, and it did. Then I tried making some digital art. The tools I used in graphic designing were the same for digital art. So it felt familiar. I started experimenting and learning. It lasted five weeks.
I gave myself two excuses for quitting. First, I blamed the tools – that my computer was not powerful enough, the screen was too small, and the tablet was an outdated model. The second reason – I had never learned to draw before. I hit my limits quickly and didn’t progress magically.
That was back in March. I had started in February and quit by early March. However, something was different this time. In the following months, whenever I revisited and looked back at my efforts, I felt happy. I thought I quit because of the frustration of hitting the wall. But now I realize I had stopped soon as I approached my limit. I didn’t stick around to see if the wall could be scaled with some effort or pulled down or that there could be a different path.
I started again in June. And I feel things will be different this time around. There is no end goal. I want to draw for the same reason I sometimes sit down to write about my feelings or take photographs of moments I want to remember. For the same reason that I listen to songs, try a random recipe, or travel.